Testimony of Debie Misir

Hello, my name is Debie Misir.

I grew up in a predominantly Hindu home. Both my mother and father were Hindus. I even worshipped Hindu Gods when I was very young.

I had many dreams as a little girl: I wanted to be educated, successful, make a lot of money, be married, have the perfect marriage, have children etc. In short, I wanted to be the best person I could be and have the best life it was possible to have. After I came to the U.S.A from Guyana, South America, at the age of 18, I became an atheist. I realized worshipping God through animal forms (idols and pictures) was silly, if nothing else and I ceased to believe in Hinduism. But instead of searching for the true God, I then literally stopped believing in God. I enrolled in college and the more my mind opened up to the world with its intellect and theories, the more it got closed to God or even the concept of a God of the universe.

I have made some very bad decisions in my life and have sinned against God many times. Now looking back, I cannot imagine how I had strayed so far from the dreams I had as a little girl. It was almost as if the things that were happening to me were outside of my control, even though the decisions I made appeared to be very conscious ones. So many things happened to me in my life that I did not expect; that I did not want; that I did not think I deserved; that I did not think I could handle; that I did not think I should have to deal with. But, I now realize that the Lord allowed me go through these things so that I would come to a place where I could meet him, so that I could become a person He could use for His glory, a person who would understand and have compassion for the afflictions and circumstances of others.

I have had a baby out of wedlock and later married the father of my baby. The only word I can find to describe my marriage for the next 8 years is torturous; except for my children. I am not referring to physical abuse, but the much more painful, lasting kind of pure mental torture; the kind that eats away at your self-esteem; the kind that robs you of your peace; and the kind that seeks to reduce you to an insect in your own mind so much so that you just want to curl up in a dark corner and die. But I could not give in to my heart's despair. I had two beautiful children you see and although I was sinner, cowardice did not appear to be one of my sins. I realized I needed to be strong for my children so I built a wall around my heart; a wall so thick that nothing could reach me, nothing bad, but also nothing good. Life went on around me but I was dead inside. My face to the world was smiling, but my pain inside was deep and abiding. There was such a great emptiness inside of me, such a darkness in my soul that I cannot adequately express in mere words. Nothing touched me. Everything I experienced was superficial: no true joy, no real sorrow. I became so hard and cynical. I do not remember ever crying after the first year of my marriage until the day I met the Lord, ten years or so later. I had everything in the eyes of the world: outward success, a great job, a beautiful home, a husband, beautiful children, money -- you name it. But, inside I was dead. The insults and fights did not cease in my home, but it could no longer touch me. My life became meaningless. I cared for nothing in this world. I wanted nothing this world could offer. Nothing impressed me. No one impressed me, least of all myself. I thought of how meaningless life was and how much like ants we were. We live, we suffer and then we die…and there is nothing else.

I thought that I would live until my children were grown and then I could die. I really did not see a point to life. How stupid it all was? I thought. You come into the world. You struggle and suffer, and then you die. It is all so pointless and so temporary. I achieved the goal I set for myself in my career, but when I did I received no satisfaction whatsoever - only a greater emptiness. I found that material wealth, comfort, and worldly approval brought no true fulfillment, no happiness, no peace...only emptiness. An emptiness that just got wider and deeper. I became so cynical.

One day, when I saw how my destructive marriage was affecting my children, I got up and left my big beautiful house and crawled into my mother's basement in search of peace. It was here that the Lord came to meet me. He had brought me to this place in my life -- I call it the foot of the cross -- so that I could experience His touch, and know His infinite mercy and grace instantaneously.

In February of 2004, I was in my mother's basement one day watching TV. As I channel surfed I came to TBN quite accidently, or so I thought. Now, usually when I happen on to a Christian channel, I just keep right on surfing….only this day I left it. That is a miracle in itself and the grace of God. Billy Graham was on. I not only watched, but I listened to him for about 20 minutes. I listened and I believed. At first not so much what he was saying but in the integrity, faith, and steadfast love I saw in Billy Graham's face. There was a knowing in his face; a knowing of something I did not know. I suddenly wanted to know what he knew; believe what he believed. I wanted to have the hope he had. I wanted to know the God he knew. This God he spoke of with such reverence, such love. This God he said who loved us so much that He died for us. I suddenly had such a yearning to know Jesus. At the end of his program he mentioned repentance and the sinners prayer. I repented and received Jesus Christ into my heart with all the sincerity that was in me.

There are no words to describe what happened to me in the weeks following. I felt, and this was very physical as well as spiritual, as if the Lord had supernaturally reached inside of me and took out my bruised, battered, dysfunctional heart and replaced it with a new one... not just any new heart, but one He had created especially for me; one like His; one He always intended me to have. I knew immediately, way deep down inside, that He is the true God; that He is the living God -- and that He loves me so very much. I knew His sovereignty, His power, as well as His tenderness, compassion, and His deep love instantly. I felt the angels in Heaven singing and rejoicing. I felt the Lord loving me, repairing me, restoring me. I kept seeing the cross over and over again. I started to cry and could not stop crying for the next 4-5 months. I would hear His name and start crying.

I was so full inside and yet I became so hungry and thirsty for Him. I suddenly had a great desire to know all about Him. I remember running to Barnes and Noble the next day to buy the bible (I had never read the bible you see). I started to read the bible feverishly from cover to cover. I could not get enough. I wanted to know all about the Lord: His character, who He was, what He did, what He said. As I read, I felt as if the Lord was actually speaking to me, telling me these things in the Bible. The words were alive. The more I read, the more in love I fell. You see I discovered that My God, your God is perfect. His love is perfect. His peace is perfect. His ways are perfect. His grace is perfect. His mercy is perfect. His compassion is perfect. His justice is perfect. He began to fill my heart, soul and spirit. I could think of nothing else but Him all day long: about knowing Him more and more, about loving Him and being in His presence, about serving Him. I longed to hear His voice and see His face. I thought of Him day and night, often waking up in odd hours in the night, full of Him. I began to see His glory all around me. Everything surrounding me was suddenly so vivid, so beautiful - flowers, trees, people. I found myself looking into my son's face when he was sleeping, in awe of the intricate details of the human features and the new awareness of I had of the complexity of every bodily organ and how they worked in perfect harmony with each other. I could feel again. I could love again. Everything suddenly had meaning; awesome new meaning and exciting hope.

I ran around telling everyone of Jesus and His love. Now, you have to imagine me; a staid, cynical engineer who did not hesitate to tell anyone off, going around speaking of my experience with a living, loving God. My best friend asked me if I was on drugs when I witnessed to her. I witnessed to my family, friends -- everyone. I did not care. They just had to know what I now knew. How could anyone not know? How could I let them go on, not knowing. It was just so awesome. I could not leave them in the dark. I guess I did not have too much wisdom then, just a great zeal, but I am learning.

Since then the Lord has exposed me to many things in different ministries very quickly. I know that I am being prepared for something, but I do not know what as yet. I eagerly desired, like the bible said, spiritual gifts so I could help others, and He gave them to me without question. He has been so good to me and truly a rewarder of them that diligently seek after Him. You see, I seek hard after Him and I never stop. He is my everything, my one desire. As I continue to seek hard after Him and trust in Him only, spiritual blessings, without me asking, are following me everywhere. My mother, a Hindu for 69 years who said she was born a Hindu and she would die a Hindu, my father, and my sister have all received the Lord as their personal Lord and Savior in the few months after I was saved.

I now live only for the Lord. All that I am and all that I have is His. My eyes are on Him only. He is my salvation, my God, my life, my hope, my strength, my joy, my shepherd, my guide, my counselor, my friend, my brother, my father, my husband... I place all my faith and trust in Him. All I want is to please Him, to fill His heart with joy, and to serve Him mightily, abundantly, above and beyond all that He thinks of asks of me -- because He first loved me.

Since I was saved, I who did not have an artistic bone in my body, have started to write poetry. Although my poetry is by no means excellent, this ability in itself is a miracle. I have found that the Lord will grant us the desires of our heart when we delight in Him and my desire was to write beautiful words, letters, songs etc to minister to His heart and to bring Him joy. He will use whatever vocabulary, expressions etc that we have to achieve this, supernaturally giving us the thoughts to express. I can only write about Him or to Him.

The church I started attending asked me to give a testimony (I was saved 2 weeks ago). I sat down to try to express my experience and heart's transformation and as I began to write, my fingers took on a life of their own, so to speak. When I finished writing, I realized it was my testimony in simple poetry form. It is called "Poem to My Lord" .You can read this along with others in the Poetry section under the tab "Manna".

If you have read this testimony, do not know the Lord, and would like to meet Him, simple sit right where you are and ask Him to reveal Himself to you. If by just reading this testimony you are ready to open up your heart to the Lord, simply pray…Lord Jesus, I believe you died for my sins and rose again. I turn away from all sinful thoughts, desires and deeds and I receive you into my heart as my Lord and Savior. I thank you Lord for dying for me, for coming into my heart and for eternal life. Amen.